I feel strangely happy and strangely sad at the same time.

Hey all,

For today's post by me (which will be later tonight since it's my Dad's birthday and I have to go sing him happy birthday and such) I was thinking of doing a blog on this: http://blog.pjsattic.com/corvus/round-table/

That way we get a bunch of link backs, and hopefully kick-start our re-building :)

Just checking nobody else was doing it!

It occurred to my last entry might have been a bit abrupt. So let me explain, now that's not some stupid hour with me stressing out everywhere.

I'm 23 years old. My name is Suzanne Fleming. I'm engaged, living with my future husband. I work seven days a week, and I'm broke.

This is a situation so completely alien to me. I never expected to end up like this. I thought I'd be single forever, and traveling to random places across the globe. I thought I'd be a writer, an artist, I had only the vaguest ideas of how I would pay my bills.

With all this new stuff, I tried to hold onto my old identity for as long as possible. Pre-University. I was a gamer, a Turkboardian, a geeky artistic woman with feminist tendencies.

Then I went to the USA, aged 18, and did some stupid shit that changed me forever.

After that, I never was as comfortable. I never drew as much or wrote as much. My feminist tendencies did turn into a more complete theory, and I did make some awesome friends. I ran away a lot, I was quiet, and I was growing up. I fell in love for the first time, and had my heart broken for the first time.

After University, I went through the same 'oh shit, what am I doing with my life' slump that everyone does. I was lucky enough to stay with a friend who charged me insanely cheap rent and gave me enough space that I could just vegetate with WoW for a while.

Then I fell in love again. Everything in my life since has been about the complete fucking hassle of getting the world to let us be together. And now we are. It's like... I had this massive purpose that kept me going, and now it's all worked out. Which is great, but means I have to return to my original questions: what AM I doing with my life?

See here's the other thing I've learned: being in debt sucks. I want time. Time to do things I enjoy, to visit my friends, to travel, to sleep late and watch good movies, to do what I please. To do that, I need money. To get money, I need to maximise the amount I get paid for each hour I work. To do that, I need to avoid stupid evil corporations with their minimum wage, and I need to charge my own rate.

So I'm doing it. I've become a freelancer. I gave my three months notice at Isotx, I've spent more time on polishing up the two clients works I do have (Rockschools and Identity Crisis), and I'm subscribing to elance.com. I ordered some business cards, and got some free stationary with my web address on.

I'm already registered as self-employed, and I already have my bank accounts set up. I'm ready to do this.

Anyway.

I'm busier than I've ever been, and all my creative energy is going into stuff that makes money. I have no time to pretend to be 16 anymore. I have no time to do the things that I used to associate with myself anymore. I'm not an artist, and I'm a writer of pithy blog articles, not of world changing novellas. I need to focus on myself, and my own life, and I simply don't have time to do everything and be everyone. I'm not interested in writing up my drama for the world to see, because I don't need to.

I lost all desire to write anything, including blogs, a long time ago.

Bye folks.

The visa application was approved. Phillip is coming back with me.

I'm so happy right now.

I ended my subscription to WoW. Come March 20th, I'm gone from the game.

Wiped my iBook clean and installed Leopard on it...

Then Writeroom...

Then started writing >.<;

Anyway, I have so MUCH FREAKING WORK IT'S INSANE.

Normal Isotx stuff.
Rockschools stuff.
Identity Crisis stuff.

and now a possible new website client.

Srsly. I spent all day working on Shards, battling code... I was up until like midnight yesterday doing much the same.

Went out to eat at MK wagamama though. YAY for having guests and therefore an excuse to eat out!

Soooooooo TIRED.

I'm writing hack code so that my website will display in both Firefox and IE. Man, this whole css-only layouting is driving me nuts. I MISS MY TABLES! Why did they have to make them deprecated? :( (Yeah, yeah, I know, syntax blah blah blah)

Damnit.

I'm not sure I can write a stat report. I NEED SLEEP NOW.

For the last few times I've played WoW, I've had horrendous lag. This is probably coupled to the fact Firefox keeps stuttering.

It drives me fucking crazy when I die from something I didn't even SEE because the screen didn't catch up in time to show me I was being attacked -_-'

I should really call my internet company.